I’ve talked about Tony in therapy a few times so now my therapist uses him as an example but I don’t think she knows that much about him other than what I’ve told her so it’s like “well, would Anthony Bourdain think you’re a melodramatic, dysfunctional abject failure of a human being who doesn’t deserve happiness and will die alone???? PROBABLY NOT, right?????” and honestly? not unhelpful. fair enough, Diane!!!!

ALL I EVER WANTED

lunchboxpoems:

When I thought it was right to name my desires,
what I wanted of life, they seemed to turn
like bleating sheep, not to me, who could have been
a caring, if unskilled, shepherd, but to the boxed-in hills
beyond which the blue mountains sloped down
with poppies orange as crayfish all the way to the Pacific seas
in which the hulls of whales steered them
in search of a mate for whom they bellowed
in a new, highly particular song
we might call the most ardent articulation of love,
the pin at the tip of evolution,
modestly shining.
                            In the middle of my life
it was right to say my desires
but they went away. I couldn’t even make them out,
not even as dots
now in the distance.
                                Yet I see the small lights
of winter campfires in the hills—
teenagers in love often go there
for their first nights—and each yellow-white glow
tells me what I can know and admit to knowing,
that all I ever wanted
was to sit by a fire with someone
who wanted me in measure the same to my wanting.
To want to make a fire with someone,
with you,
was all.

KATIE FORD